So I recently acquired a MacBook Air. That’s a joke, but I do have one right now. I bought it to sell it, and after using it I simply can’t sell it quick enough. The only thing good about this computer is it’s use as a Frisbee, and at 1,799 I just can’t justify it. 

       The thing is slow as hell. My mom’s 1.33 GHZ iBook with 512MB of Ram seems to easily outperform it. I know it’s for rich assholes, but come on, even photobooth(one of 3 things rich assholes use their Macs for)is full of lag and other shitness. Microsoft fucking word takes about 40 seconds to open.

     It makes me wonder, why the fuck do they bother putting 2 GB of ram? Who gives a fuck if you can multitask when this thing barely loads single applications at a usable speed? And basically anything ram allows you to do better is useless with an 80 or 64GB HD. And too make this thing even more shitty, I’m pretty sure the one I bought is stolen. That doesn’t really make it more shitty, but it makes me hate it more. 

Well, then again, it did make realize another point of it’s shitness. As you all know, this piece of shit doesn’t have a disc drive. That means any problem you’d need to restore the computer with, you can’t do without the shitty adapter drive thing. I guess apple understands that anyone who buys a MacBook air wouldn’t be able to insert a disc and restore the computer anyway, especially when their are plenty of new MacBook airs available, just 1800 dollars away. 

All this from a guy who’s friends think is dating an apple product, so you know it’s a piece of shit. Just don’t be blinded by it’s thinness when you visit an apple retailer near you to check it out. 

At the beach this weekend, I was using my Mom’s computer for checking email and taking a class and some other irrelevant shit. I never thought I’d say this, but Barack Obama is a fucking hacker. Shortly after the DNC, I became receiving emails from the Obama campaign that I never subscribed too.

Because they were addressed to my mom, it seems the only way Barack could have gotten my email is by hacking the IP of my mom’s email account. My life has been forever changed by the campaign for change ever since. Perhaps, since the first email came from Big Ballin Biden… But no, that couldn’t be. It is proven fact that people over 60 can only use computers to view pictures of their grandchildren. 

So on the eve of this historic election, the values of the american people are being tested. Who to trust, man who can’t press the power button, McCain, or the 1337 Obama. Massive McCain claims that he is the candidate who will keep Uhmericuh safe, but what’s he gonna do when his ass gets hacked, or Osama’s location is emailed to him? Obama believes he’s the candidate for ‘change’, but how will he accomplish that when a 1337 government hacking team will be at his disposable?

So, in the words of Sid, it’s a toss-up. Which brings us back to Sid. SID LEADER 2008. It already has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Isn’t that just hip? I’m here at the beach watching some weird ass movie I’ve never heard of writing this gnarly personal blog that will most likely only be read by MASSIVE mike hobizal and the molesters of the world. It’s kind of funny to think about all the lame ass blogs people write that are never read, this being a prime example.  

I mean, I imagine some of them have been posted on regularly and been read by only a few people. Then they see articles in Time about how easy it is to become ‘internet famous’ and continue writing. So how about, you, my non-existent yet still wonderful audience, find some blogs that you think have little to no readers. I’ll start us off with this shitty old xanga. Oh well, I suppose writing is a better habit than some other ones… Like the all-consuming, never ending attempts at eating ones own anus. 

Anyways, now that we’ve established that I’m aware that I am writing to no one, I’ve just been at the beach, pretty bored. I’ve gone swimming every day though, which is nice, though freezing on the oregon coast. It’s also sometimes awkward being the only person actually swimming in the water most of time. Luckily, the place we are staying has a hot tub, although the immediate 50-degree temperature change makes the hot water feel like acid when you first get in. 

I haven’t been doing too much while here, basically been finishing my online health class and watching the day pass away. I’m going to Rock the Bells on september 6th though, which should be sick. Alright, I’m gonna go talk to myself. Goodbye world. 

http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Smosh

DOOD DAT BE ME! I MUST BE DAT INTARNAT CELEB NOW! SMOSH DAY RACK. No, but really, that’s a cute entry. And thanks for the link to gPaul.net and SmoshSucks.com. That was really sweet. Damn white people and their internet.

As soon as I arrived at Mt. Tabor, I realized I had walked unwelcome, into a strange gathering of white people. I heard some whites say “damn soapbox derby 2008 white damn blue ribbon hell yeah!” and I realized what was going on. Apparently, these days instead of barn burnings, white people have started driving strange wooden contraptions down hills. 

These contraptions travel at speeds of approximately 30 miles an hour, and as they pass a white person, it is the duty of the given white to scream “Hell Yeah” and then take another swig of Pabst’s Blue Ribbon, one of Portland’s most alternative, yet still hick, traditions. Hell yeah.

In between the passing of wheeled wooden contraptions, most people seemingly weren’t able to tell the difference between the ’soapboxes’ and passing hipster bicyclists. Either drunk or thinking they were cute, these young urban whites yelled “hell yeah” for the bicyclists as well as the drivers of the wooden contraptions. During these hipster breaks, as they were called, the intelligent whites in the group found it necessary to scream “Get of the course, Bro” to everyone trying to move through the sea of whites without knocking a Pabst’s out of anyone’s hand.

It certainly did seem like an celebration of Portland’s white community, as many of the spectators took it upon themselves to further expose their whiteness by removing their protective whiteness coverings. The hot day didn’t help either. The triple digit temperatures caused many of the whites to look like young police officers, and there were numerous reports of overheated Pabst’s Blue Ribbons. Still, even with the wasted Pabst’s, young male portland hipsters still jumped at the opportunity to urinate in public. After complaints from parents of  the exposed genitals, the event director made an announcement that public urination simply added to the atmosphere, and offered a Pabst’s to those who were offended. The crowd responded with a unified “Hell Yeah!”.

The event ended suddenly, when the supply of whites in wheeled wood contraptions seem to end. Then, a faint, sad roar of “Hell No” echoed throughout the park. So, was The 2008 Mt. Tabor Soapbox Derby the whitest event ever? This is still in debate, as the numbers from Portland’s Redbull FlugTag event are yet to be calculated.